My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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