I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
