if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
