When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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