I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
