you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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