I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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