the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
