No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
