And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This baby is an asshole
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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