The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
