i need an iv and a liver transplant
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Randomize
