she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
