the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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