I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
