Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize