a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
