I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
