Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
