we're making bets on your personal life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All the doctor said was why
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
