....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
