spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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