After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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