Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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