genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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