I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
