We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
