bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
