I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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