I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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