I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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