There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
