woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
