I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
