Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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