he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
