Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
