she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
