I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She's the barista slut.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The power of my boobs compel you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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