It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
