i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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