I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
