giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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