Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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