Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
