Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
