I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
