so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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