your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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