sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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