Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
